Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Kansas (913)

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  (913): View more from Kansas

  To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!

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  (913): To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor! http://tfl.nu/4jfz
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  You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.

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  (913): You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils. http://tfl.nu/xx9n
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  My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits

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  (913): My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits http://tfl.nu/sxpe
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  I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.

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  When were you at my house?

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  (913): I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home. (785): When were you at my house? http://tfl.nu/k6cm
  Replies (5) Good night (2781) Bad night (643)
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  I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen

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  (913): I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen http://tfl.nu/cr8z
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  He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.

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  (913): He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka. http://tfl.nu/wfce
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  You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.

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  (913): You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic. http://tfl.nu/rxwg
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  Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time

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  (913): Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time http://tfl.nu/0t2u
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  I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach

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  (913): I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach http://tfl.nu/0ndj
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  My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?

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  (913): My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot? http://tfl.nu/qatl
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  How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.

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  1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me

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  (913): How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways. (913): 1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me http://tfl.nu/tb9a
  Replies (12) Good night (3252) Bad night (566)
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  Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately

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  (913): Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately http://tfl.nu/v1vv
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  Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...

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  (913): Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen... http://tfl.nu/fq09
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  The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.

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  Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from

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  (913): The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero. (816): Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from http://tfl.nu/rsiz
  Replies (9) Good night (2544) Bad night (516)
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  Naked Twister starts at high noon

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  (913): Naked Twister starts at high noon http://tfl.nu/ka5x
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