Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (903)

Last Night in Texas (903)

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(979): View more from Texas

i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.

(903): View more from Texas

wow. i have no words.

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(979): i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door. (903): wow. i have no words. http://tfl.nu/bjsv

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(903): View more from Texas

The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.

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(903): The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover. http://tfl.nu/9bmt

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(903): View more from Texas

Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.

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(903): Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning. http://tfl.nu/i0lg

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(903): View more from Texas

We talked him into tasing himself.

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(903): We talked him into tasing himself. http://tfl.nu/jtjc

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(903): View more from Texas

Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe

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(903): Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe http://tfl.nu/shgh

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(903): View more from Texas

Beer Popsicles are better in theory

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(903): Beer Popsicles are better in theory http://tfl.nu/iyrx

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(903): View more from Texas

I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.

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(903): I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission. http://tfl.nu/3lm1

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(903): View more from Texas

I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.

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(903): I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again. http://tfl.nu/pun6

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(903): View more from Texas

EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT

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(903): EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT http://tfl.nu/usnf

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(903): View more from Texas

Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later

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(903): Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later http://tfl.nu/a1zy

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(903): View more from Texas

Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?

(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I find this completely acceptable.

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(903): Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework? (321): I find this completely acceptable. http://tfl.nu/32xm

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So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.

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(903): So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that. http://tfl.nu/z5my

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I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.

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(903): I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times. http://tfl.nu/nwwj

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Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me

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(903): Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me http://tfl.nu/adub

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He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.

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(903): He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well. http://tfl.nu/h56s

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Last Night in Texas (903)

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