Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (870)

Last Night in Arkansas (870)

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I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.

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(870): I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car. http://tfl.nu/7djn

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Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.

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(870): Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships. http://tfl.nu/i0ve

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It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina

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(870): It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina http://tfl.nu/15cg

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It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.

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(870): It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis. http://tfl.nu/5xg0

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Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?

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(870): Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask? http://tfl.nu/y41y

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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button

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(870): So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button http://tfl.nu/tmep

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Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.

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(870): Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear. http://tfl.nu/uzj4

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Chalk up having sex in a car wash.

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(870): Chalk up having sex in a car wash. http://tfl.nu/k9pw

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We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster

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(870): We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster http://tfl.nu/c1fy

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may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.

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(870): may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween. http://tfl.nu/5k16

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Either way, he made a blog for his cat.

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(870): Either way, he made a blog for his cat. http://tfl.nu/y9xq

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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."

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(870): I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now." http://tfl.nu/2m30

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What's the big deal? you guys fuck

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3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times

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(870): What's the big deal? you guys fuck (1-870): 3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times http://tfl.nu/e13u

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She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...

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(870): She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again... http://tfl.nu/jy0r

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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."

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(870): He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed." http://tfl.nu/z9xx

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Last Night in Arkansas (870)

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