Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (831)

Last Night in California (831)

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I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.

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(831): I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am. http://tfl.nu/8xi2

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i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3

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(831): i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3 http://tfl.nu/5ewa

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You should get sea herpes

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I mean sea horses

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(831): You should get sea herpes (831): I mean sea horses http://tfl.nu/2vm6

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YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.

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(831): YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL. http://tfl.nu/sk5h

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Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777

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Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)

(831): View more from California

Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.

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(831): Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777 (323): Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;) (831): Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up. http://tfl.nu/bykg

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There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy

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(831): There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy http://tfl.nu/iwg7

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There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.

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(831): There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college. http://tfl.nu/9iax

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i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something

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(831): i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something http://tfl.nu/b053

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Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.

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(831): Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success. http://tfl.nu/9nkx

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I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.

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Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable

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(831): I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines. (1-831): Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable http://tfl.nu/f2l0

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This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.

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How much did you smoke??

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(916): This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big. (831): How much did you smoke?? http://tfl.nu/a96z

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i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila

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(831): i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila http://tfl.nu/efvv

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She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.

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(831): She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps. http://tfl.nu/t8aw

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sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.

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(831): sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college. http://tfl.nu/u990

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Maybe I'm a robot.

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You can't be that drunk already

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(530): Maybe I'm a robot. (831): You can't be that drunk already http://tfl.nu/ekm7

Replies (8) Good night (1984) Bad night (472)

Last Night in California (831)

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