Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (817)

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  (817): View more from Texas

  Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka

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  (817): Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka http://tfl.nu/xkay
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  Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!

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  (817): Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly! http://tfl.nu/9don
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  Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose

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  (817): Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose http://tfl.nu/bx5q
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  Post-sex nachos deserve a song.

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  (817): Post-sex nachos deserve a song. http://tfl.nu/enl8
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  We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.

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  Braid them armpits, sister.

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  (817): We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered. (1-817): Braid them armpits, sister. http://tfl.nu/o7hq
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  I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.

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  (817): I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional. http://tfl.nu/nh0n
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  It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.

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  (817): It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather. http://tfl.nu/66t1
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  I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.

  (512): View more from Texas

  Not yet.

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  (817): I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous. (512): Not yet. http://tfl.nu/l0rj
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  He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.

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  (817): He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more. http://tfl.nu/2a37
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  I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.

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  (817): I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool. http://tfl.nu/j2os
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  We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back

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  (817): We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back http://tfl.nu/9xp2
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  I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.

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  (817): I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins. http://tfl.nu/povt
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  I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?

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  (817): I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes? http://tfl.nu/cea8
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  Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.

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  (817): Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter. http://tfl.nu/zoc6
  Replies (6) Good night (429) Bad night (1294)
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  Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys

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  (817): Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys http://tfl.nu/cvux
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