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Last Night in Pennsylvania (814)

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Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.

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(814): Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud. http://tfl.nu/9n74

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I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.

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(814): I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography. http://tfl.nu/gojc

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The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos

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(814): The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos http://tfl.nu/br7k

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I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.

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(814): I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom. http://tfl.nu/k57f

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Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...

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(814): Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September... http://tfl.nu/x7my

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you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you

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(814): you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you http://tfl.nu/0g1k

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Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol

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(814): Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol http://tfl.nu/gohb

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She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.

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(814): She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow. http://tfl.nu/dddh

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He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.

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(814): He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice. http://tfl.nu/r5ev

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the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me

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(814): the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me http://tfl.nu/xcf9

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I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.

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Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.

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(814): I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work. (1-814): Either he has bad timing or he wants to join. http://tfl.nu/sgyz

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It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.

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(814): It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it. http://tfl.nu/w90m

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This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.

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(814): This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off. http://tfl.nu/kq64

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He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."

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(814): He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van." http://tfl.nu/71uy

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I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.

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(814): I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood. http://tfl.nu/fkn8

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Last Night in Pennsylvania (814)

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