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You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
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