Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Follow @tfln