Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Ohio (614)

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  It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover

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  (614): It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover http://tfl.nu/1h1b
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  your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night

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  (614): your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night http://tfl.nu/piwn
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  You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore

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  (614): You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore http://tfl.nu/weu9
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  It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.

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  (614): It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment. http://tfl.nu/va62
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  So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere

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  (614): So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere http://tfl.nu/qzem
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  Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me

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  (614): Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me http://tfl.nu/x6xk
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  Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"

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  (614): Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10" http://tfl.nu/nudo
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  I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy

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  (614): I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy http://tfl.nu/28is
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  It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me

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  (614): It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me http://tfl.nu/sahk
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  I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.

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  (614): I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time. http://tfl.nu/ekmz
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  he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns

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  (614): he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns http://tfl.nu/45lv
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  her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"

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  (614): her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed" http://tfl.nu/kvl0
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  The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body

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  (614): The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body http://tfl.nu/f4bm
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  After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live

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  (614): After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live http://tfl.nu/6xtu
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  We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"

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  (614): We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us" http://tfl.nu/w1ue
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