Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New York (518)

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  (518): View more from New York

  Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.

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  (518): Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird. http://tfl.nu/mxsq
  Replies (8) Good night (550) Bad night (2010) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"

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  (518): He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!" http://tfl.nu/furw
  Replies (68) Good night (7362) Bad night (1928) Order T-Shirt
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  Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?

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  (518): Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs? http://tfl.nu/bc57
  Replies (21) Good night (464) Bad night (1921) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.

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  May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.

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  (518): I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day. (612): May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees. http://tfl.nu/b9l3
  Replies (10) Good night (607) Bad night (1849)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you

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  (518): I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you http://tfl.nu/jrvn
  Replies (20) Good night (5469) Bad night (1825)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle

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  (518): Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle http://tfl.nu/ebj2
  Replies (11) Good night (559) Bad night (1737) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.

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  (518): it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime. http://tfl.nu/6fla
  Replies (1) Good night (699) Bad night (1719) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.

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  (518): are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month. http://tfl.nu/5oap
  Replies (23) Good night (4322) Bad night (1694) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.

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  (518): I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often. http://tfl.nu/3lpk
  Replies (40) Good night (5649) Bad night (1669) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.

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  (518): It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear. http://tfl.nu/ktyi
  Replies (20) Good night (706) Bad night (1634) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.

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  (518): I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire. http://tfl.nu/37qo
  Replies (30) Good night (15629) Bad night (1527) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.

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  (518): It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up. http://tfl.nu/6w2h
  Replies (8) Good night (1059) Bad night (1502) Order T-Shirt
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  he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."

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  (518): he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials." http://tfl.nu/vm6j
  Replies (20) Good night (8713) Bad night (1442) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'

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  (518): im in his phone as 'great ass to tap' http://tfl.nu/xhkl
  Replies (26) Good night (9879) Bad night (1442) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.

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  (518): As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon. http://tfl.nu/t4x8
  Replies (14) Good night (4969) Bad night (1439) Order T-Shirt