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I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
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