Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Ohio (440)

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  thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.

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  anything for my little brother.

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  (440): thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet. (440): anything for my little brother. http://tfl.nu/0dq6
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  Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.

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  (440): Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family. http://tfl.nu/crmt
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  i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth

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  well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth

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  (440): i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth (330): well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth http://tfl.nu/ms7e
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  You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back

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  (440): You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back http://tfl.nu/ciqo
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  I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.

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  (440): I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew. http://tfl.nu/1ouh
  Replies (19) Good night (4762) Bad night (519)
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  By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas

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  (440): By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas http://tfl.nu/5ruz
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  pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.

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  (440): pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me. http://tfl.nu/oa57
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  Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for

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  (440): Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for http://tfl.nu/xrwv
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  Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.

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  (440): Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic. http://tfl.nu/n8qw
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  Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks

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  (440): Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks http://tfl.nu/2p99
  Replies (17) Good night (4557) Bad night (1631) Order T-Shirt
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  We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.

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  (440): We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night. http://tfl.nu/4khi
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  But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.

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  (440): But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex. http://tfl.nu/ebom
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  I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.

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  (440): I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night. http://tfl.nu/nh7e
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  he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously

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  (440): he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously http://tfl.nu/mrdz
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  you were so drunk you slurred your pauses

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  (440): you were so drunk you slurred your pauses http://tfl.nu/u543
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