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Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
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