Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (415)

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  (415): View more from California

  You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.

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  (415): You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink. http://tfl.nu/i804
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  (415): View more from California

  My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.

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  (415): My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me. http://tfl.nu/kvah
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  Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.

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  (415): Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood. http://tfl.nu/lu5t
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  He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.

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  Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.

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  (206): He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit. (415): Use your nursing skills for good, not evil. http://tfl.nu/0k9b
  Replies (10) Good night (3436) Bad night (393)
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  I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".

  (415): View more from California

  good luck with that

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  (415): I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco". (415): good luck with that http://tfl.nu/41gz
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  (415): View more from California

  Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift

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  (415): Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift http://tfl.nu/8l3h
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  Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage

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  (415): Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage http://tfl.nu/93nr
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  I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.

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  (415): I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain. http://tfl.nu/kod9
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  (415): View more from California

  Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.

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  (415): Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups. http://tfl.nu/od5l
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  You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women

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  (415): You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women http://tfl.nu/rghq
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  (415): View more from California

  I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.

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  (415): I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape. http://tfl.nu/bbp9
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  I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station

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  (415): I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station http://tfl.nu/tet7
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  theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?

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  (415): theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours? http://tfl.nu/bjo4
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  I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.

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  (415): I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level. http://tfl.nu/gvuc
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  (415): View more from California

  I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes

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  (415): I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes http://tfl.nu/o499
  Replies (2) Good night (407) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt