Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (312)

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere

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  (312): She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere http://tfl.nu/ps2s
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  I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.

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  (312): I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM. http://tfl.nu/w4qm
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  I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.

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  (312): I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos. http://tfl.nu/0zir
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  When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?

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  (312): When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad? http://tfl.nu/0o5n
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  Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.

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  (312): Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila. http://tfl.nu/u7b7
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  You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?

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  (312): You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time? http://tfl.nu/pzpq
  Replies (2) Good night (728) Bad night (290) Order T-Shirt
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  Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band

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  Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume

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  (402): Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band (312): Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume http://tfl.nu/sqqx
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  He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.

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  (312): He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work. http://tfl.nu/lc9m
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  Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.

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  (312): Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom. http://tfl.nu/3sxn
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  Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.

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  (312): Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that. http://tfl.nu/azva
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  I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex

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  I was drunk

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  Please answer

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  (312): I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex (312): I was drunk (312): Please answer http://tfl.nu/4zur
  Replies (16) Good night (508) Bad night (2452)
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  Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week

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  (312): Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week http://tfl.nu/5mzo
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  Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first

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  (312): Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first http://tfl.nu/6e2a
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  All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.

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  (312): All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday. http://tfl.nu/9i7k
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  my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.

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  (312): my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer. http://tfl.nu/1z92
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