Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (310)

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  (310): View more from California

  I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.

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  (310): I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas. http://tfl.nu/mh99
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  At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.

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  (310): At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping. http://tfl.nu/qkke
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  Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.

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  (310): Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage. http://tfl.nu/meih
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  We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating

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  (310): We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating http://tfl.nu/6jwq
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  I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase

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  (310): I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase http://tfl.nu/ni6z
  Replies (3) Good night (800) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
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  Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.

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  (310): Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife. http://tfl.nu/3hkr
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  My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.

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  (310): My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick. http://tfl.nu/xvdr
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  Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation

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  (310): Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation http://tfl.nu/nk1k
  Replies (10) Good night (343) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
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  He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed

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  (310): He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed http://tfl.nu/mil9
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  How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.

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  (310): How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks. http://tfl.nu/m7ju
  Replies (3) Good night (958) Bad night (205) Order T-Shirt
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  My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.

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  (310): My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever. http://tfl.nu/d22o
  Replies (6) Good night (3207) Bad night (355)
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  Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.

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  (310): Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested. http://tfl.nu/eqfs
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  If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave

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  (310): If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave http://tfl.nu/1hv2
  Replies (1) Good night (728) Bad night (280) Order T-Shirt
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  i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20

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  (310): i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20 http://tfl.nu/ve2e
  Replies (4) Good night (737) Bad night (262) Order T-Shirt
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  oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.

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  (310): oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars. http://tfl.nu/b3kf
  Replies (4) Good night (542) Bad night (197) Order T-Shirt