Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Indiana (260)

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  (260): View more from Indiana

  I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie

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  (260): I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie http://tfl.nu/6pmw
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  It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.

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  (260): It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs. http://tfl.nu/yz88
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  I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.

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  Good luck with that.

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  (419): I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me. (260): Good luck with that. http://tfl.nu/2zv5
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  He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.

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  I know, she tried to drink it

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  (260): He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street. (317): I know, she tried to drink it http://tfl.nu/h1z5
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  It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?

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  (260): It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed? http://tfl.nu/04go
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  I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.

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  (260): I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much. http://tfl.nu/tatw
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  the scent of your tears make me crave pizza

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  (260): the scent of your tears make me crave pizza http://tfl.nu/lvf8
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  Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?

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  (260): Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement? http://tfl.nu/iy8f
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  He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.

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  (260): He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again. http://tfl.nu/91lg
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  After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.

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  (260): After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing. http://tfl.nu/bjii
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  We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.

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  (260): We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs. http://tfl.nu/wdfj
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  butt plug

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  anus plug

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  rubbish cock?

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  yes

  (260): View more from Indiana

  you suck at this game today

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  (260): butt plug (248): anus plug (260): rubbish cock? (248): yes (260): you suck at this game today http://tfl.nu/gu7v
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  did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?

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  (260): did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis? http://tfl.nu/t53m
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  He went soft

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  Wait. During?

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  Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.

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  (260): He went soft (631): Wait. During? (260): Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH. http://tfl.nu/18lb
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  I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.

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  (260): I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box. http://tfl.nu/twf4
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