Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New York (212)

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  it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating

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  (212): it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating http://tfl.nu/p848
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  at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver

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  (212): at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver http://tfl.nu/1ssj
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  the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with

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  (212): the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with http://tfl.nu/bllr
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  It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis

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  (212): It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis http://tfl.nu/3xfb
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  we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy

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  (212): we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy http://tfl.nu/2r3y
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  My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.

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  (212): My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing. http://tfl.nu/8vqg
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  Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.

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  (212): Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many. http://tfl.nu/dbug
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  He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall

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  (212): He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall http://tfl.nu/usfu
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  It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.

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  (212): It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls. http://tfl.nu/fa0p
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  The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.

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  (212): The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line. http://tfl.nu/abdb
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  it was like a zeppelin in a condom

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  (212): it was like a zeppelin in a condom http://tfl.nu/vkzf
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  Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!

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  (212): Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?! http://tfl.nu/8o3k
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  Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.

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  (212): Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing. http://tfl.nu/tshz
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  It's never good when you wake up covered with burns

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  (212): It's never good when you wake up covered with burns http://tfl.nu/8fkk
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  yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"

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  (212): yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer" http://tfl.nu/u5kx
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