Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (303)

Last Night in Colorado (303)

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Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.

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(303): Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming. http://tfl.nu/sem8

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I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.

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Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.

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But what if I pay for the gas?

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(303): I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain. (720): Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic. (303): But what if I pay for the gas? http://tfl.nu/j2h0

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The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"

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(303): The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick" http://tfl.nu/klf2

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meet me or not, i'm out of control

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(303): meet me or not, i'm out of control http://tfl.nu/t1zj

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I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.

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(303): I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed. http://tfl.nu/amby

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She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now

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(303): She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now http://tfl.nu/p6no

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Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)

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(303): Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!) http://tfl.nu/z6cg

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I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm

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(303): I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm http://tfl.nu/jf8q

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if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous

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(303): if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous http://tfl.nu/li9c

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I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.

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(303): I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate. http://tfl.nu/qrjm

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GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.

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(303): GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car. http://tfl.nu/jp7a

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Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.

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(303): Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart. http://tfl.nu/j609

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why im i the only drunk person in the library?

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(303): why im i the only drunk person in the library? http://tfl.nu/z5jl

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i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs

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(303): i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs http://tfl.nu/68oq

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I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week

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(303): I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week http://tfl.nu/iwzc

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Last Night in Colorado (303)

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