Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Massachusetts (978)

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  You need a twittervention. You're better than this.

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  (978): You need a twittervention. You're better than this. http://tfl.nu/6sfs
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  Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.

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  What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!

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  (978): Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab. (617): What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family! http://tfl.nu/wlta
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  Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?

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  (978): Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own? http://tfl.nu/mi3t
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  there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.

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  (978): there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point. http://tfl.nu/h06c
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  My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.

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  (978): My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted. http://tfl.nu/9yxu
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  Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV

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  (978): Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV http://tfl.nu/diup
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  Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.

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  (978): Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you. http://tfl.nu/qush
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  The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested

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  (978): The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested http://tfl.nu/v6c6
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  By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?

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  (978): By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner? http://tfl.nu/55b6
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  I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS

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  (978): I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS http://tfl.nu/o0md
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  I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.

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  (978): I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once. http://tfl.nu/s0yn
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  If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.

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  (978): If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room. http://tfl.nu/2jpn
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  You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.

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  (978): You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone. http://tfl.nu/5mak
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  I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.

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  (978): I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground. http://tfl.nu/oy4l
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  I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.

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  (978): I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk. http://tfl.nu/so98
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