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He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
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