Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Ohio (740)

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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.

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  (740): Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome. http://tfl.nu/z77p
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas

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  (740): I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas http://tfl.nu/8zhl
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  I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.

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  (740): I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs. http://tfl.nu/ltie
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  When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.

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  (740): When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits. http://tfl.nu/xvhm
  Replies (10) Good night (431) Bad night (2335)
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  Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.

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  When in doubt always reply with bacon.

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  (740): Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon. (1-740): When in doubt always reply with bacon. http://tfl.nu/8s4u
  Replies (18) Good night (2664) Bad night (427)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.

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  (740): Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up. http://tfl.nu/dou8
  Replies (8) Good night (1222) Bad night (390)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.

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  (740): do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment. http://tfl.nu/04bg
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.

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  (740): Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves. http://tfl.nu/uw3n
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.

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  (740): My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often. http://tfl.nu/0pbg
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  no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob

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  (740): no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob http://tfl.nu/6ivp
  Replies (5) Good night (2005) Bad night (539)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.

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  (740): There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place. http://tfl.nu/9g42
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?

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  (740): Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom? http://tfl.nu/p5et
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar

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  (740): You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar http://tfl.nu/iv8a
  Replies (8) Good night (521) Bad night (1867) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.

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  (740): Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow. http://tfl.nu/oilf
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.

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  (740): Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint. (740): Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint. http://tfl.nu/vk5s
  Replies (22) Good night (684) Bad night (5278)