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just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
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