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Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
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