Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (650)

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  (650): View more from California

  Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america

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  (650): Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america http://tfl.nu/igww
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  It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.

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  (650): It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag. http://tfl.nu/hxfk
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  lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses

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  (650): lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses http://tfl.nu/4rg9
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  I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.

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  (650): I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever. http://tfl.nu/x84m
  Replies (15) Good night (2465) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
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  I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.

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  (650): I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage. http://tfl.nu/zawq
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  I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year

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  (650): I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year http://tfl.nu/08f9
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  Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it

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  (650): Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it http://tfl.nu/zs3i
  Replies (8) Good night (2920) Bad night (988)
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  Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college

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  (650): Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college http://tfl.nu/e5ta
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  Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human

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  (650): Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human http://tfl.nu/6fr0
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  Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished

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  (650): Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished http://tfl.nu/z9y5
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  So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back

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  You should go to counseling for that

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  (650): So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back (971): You should go to counseling for that http://tfl.nu/q4bf
  Replies (6) Good night (1915) Bad night (1145)
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  I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.

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  (650): I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina. http://tfl.nu/1mmo
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  That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.

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  (650): That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in. http://tfl.nu/qyvf
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  Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy

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  (650): Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy http://tfl.nu/o3ew
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  guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?

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  (650): guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina? http://tfl.nu/cd8y
  Replies (40) Good night (3376) Bad night (1524) Order T-Shirt