Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New York (646)

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  (646): View more from New York

  Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.

  (347): View more from New York

  Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!

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  (646): Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee. (347): Wait a min, you had drugs last night?! http://tfl.nu/3nfc
  Replies (1) Good night (1146) Bad night (632)
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  How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.

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  (646): How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope. http://tfl.nu/0uer
  Replies (2) Good night (1218) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
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  In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.

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  (646): In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night. http://tfl.nu/mfpz
  Replies (4) Good night (2374) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
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  I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.

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  (646): I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly. http://tfl.nu/khhz
  Replies (11) Good night (2058) Bad night (585)
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  Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Only the gays

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  (646): Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel (773): Only the gays http://tfl.nu/jfsv
  Replies (7) Good night (784) Bad night (1169)
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  According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.

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  (646): According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth. http://tfl.nu/o8r4
  Replies (9) Good night (469) Bad night (1250) Order T-Shirt
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  Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.

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  (646): Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her. http://tfl.nu/s0ys
  Replies (5) Good night (3220) Bad night (545)
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  This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie

  (347): View more from New York

  It's not

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  (646): This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie (347): It's not http://tfl.nu/v5wf
  Replies (4) Good night (2004) Bad night (557)
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  (646): View more from New York

  How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog

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  (646): How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog http://tfl.nu/iwbb
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  How was the rest of your night?

  (917): View more from New York City

  A little fuzzy and a lot naked.

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  (646): How was the rest of your night? (917): A little fuzzy and a lot naked. http://tfl.nu/r63c
  Replies (7) Good night (2159) Bad night (467)
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  I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?

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  (646): I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10? http://tfl.nu/6lgd
  Replies (9) Good night (1515) Bad night (1146) Order T-Shirt
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  There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Delicious

  (646): View more from New York

  I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.

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  (646): There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table. (917): Delicious (646): I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt. http://tfl.nu/gs74
  Replies (5) Good night (1144) Bad night (1070)
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  I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..

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  (646): I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me.. http://tfl.nu/zo74
  Replies (9) Good night (662) Bad night (1236) Order T-Shirt
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  Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.

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  (646): Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around. http://tfl.nu/mt6p
  Replies (7) Good night (466) Bad night (1192)
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  (646): View more from New York

  last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good

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  (646): last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good http://tfl.nu/h7gj
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