Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We had to coat check the pizza.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Follow @tfln