Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (508)

Last Night in Massachusetts (508)

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Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.

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(508): Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country. http://tfl.nu/6o4g

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I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.

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(508): I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night. http://tfl.nu/9irj

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I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?

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(508): I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself? http://tfl.nu/e252

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So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.

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Did he at least offer you guys chips?

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(781): So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor. (508): Did he at least offer you guys chips? http://tfl.nu/ptoa

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You made out with two different species that night

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(508): You made out with two different species that night http://tfl.nu/gvcb

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Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.

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(508): Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess. http://tfl.nu/kvya

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Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap

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(508): Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap http://tfl.nu/gn8d

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I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.

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(508): I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat. http://tfl.nu/wq7n

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I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.

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(508): I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn. http://tfl.nu/62bv

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Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?

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(508): Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit? http://tfl.nu/74kz

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Love me.

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GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.

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Just for one nugget?

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(508): Love me. (781): GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS. (508): Just for one nugget? http://tfl.nu/9y03

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i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?

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(508): i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now? http://tfl.nu/8a2l

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the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.

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(508): the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper. http://tfl.nu/4yqm

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I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.

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(508): I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate. http://tfl.nu/ga8b

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i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.

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(508): i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light. http://tfl.nu/7bfn

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Last Night in Massachusetts (508)

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