Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Maryland (443)

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me

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  (443): She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me http://tfl.nu/42gf
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  The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.

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  (443): The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts. http://tfl.nu/2k5o
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  Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things

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  Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.

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  (443): Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things (1-443): Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit. http://tfl.nu/9byp
  Replies (2) Good night (257) Bad night (639)
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  They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.

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  Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here

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  (443): They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing. (1-410): Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here http://tfl.nu/0wca
  Replies (7) Good night (1180) Bad night (285)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.

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  (443): I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer. http://tfl.nu/9juw
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  How's my date look?

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  Like a retarded elf

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  In a good way

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  (443): How's my date look? (814): Like a retarded elf (814): In a good way http://tfl.nu/jjcc
  Replies (6) Good night (599) Bad night (595)
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  Liz is crying about burritos again.

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  (443): Liz is crying about burritos again. http://tfl.nu/wqr3
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  well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.

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  (443): well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud. http://tfl.nu/je7g
  Replies (2) Good night (1566) Bad night (539)
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  i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream

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  (443): i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream http://tfl.nu/zdot
  Replies (9) Good night (422) Bad night (1270)
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  Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.

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  (443): Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again. http://tfl.nu/8fgb
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  My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"

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  (443): My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch" http://tfl.nu/szrk
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.

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  (443): I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done. http://tfl.nu/8szd
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  I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.

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  (443): I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon. http://tfl.nu/atl9
  Replies (10) Good night (1841) Bad night (368)
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  I wish your snatch was here

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  If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you

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  (707): I wish your snatch was here (443): If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you http://tfl.nu/x7y8
  Replies (12) Good night (1486) Bad night (460)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.

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  (443): i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died. http://tfl.nu/tald
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