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Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
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