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and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
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