Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Wisconsin (414)

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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?

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  (414): I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I? http://tfl.nu/qaua
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic

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  (414): Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic http://tfl.nu/n8i2
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  Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.

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  (414): Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter. http://tfl.nu/rhw8
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  I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese

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  (414): I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese http://tfl.nu/evtb
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  Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.

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  (414): Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking. http://tfl.nu/i6qu
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  Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.

  (1-414): View more from Wisconsin

  That is like, the point of shorts

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  (414): Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard. (1-414): That is like, the point of shorts http://tfl.nu/qcbf
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  Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.

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  (414): Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course. http://tfl.nu/ipu8
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  It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?

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  (414): It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself? http://tfl.nu/nwby
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  I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.

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  (414): I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work. http://tfl.nu/n3jo
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  i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.

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  (414): i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome. http://tfl.nu/5y9x
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  I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?

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  (414): I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow? http://tfl.nu/a756
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  am i gonna have visuals on this?

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  you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire

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  (949): am i gonna have visuals on this? (414): you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire http://tfl.nu/3sug
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  I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.

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  (414): I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me. http://tfl.nu/n4ee
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  If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.

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  (414): If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg. http://tfl.nu/31ua
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  Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.

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  (414): Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina. http://tfl.nu/fwb5
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