Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Ohio (330)

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  Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway

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  (330): Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway http://tfl.nu/794f
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  WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"

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  (330): WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader" http://tfl.nu/kbtf
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  We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.

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  It's hard to explain...

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  (330): We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar. (330): It's hard to explain... http://tfl.nu/5wi2
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  i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals

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  (330): i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals http://tfl.nu/vtga
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  What is this nonsense on the table

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  Your idea.

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  I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out

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  (330): What is this nonsense on the table (1-330): Your idea. (330): I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out http://tfl.nu/afwc
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  Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7

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  (330): Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7 http://tfl.nu/w1wq
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  I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.

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  (330): I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it. http://tfl.nu/otfu
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  STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.

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  (330): STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big. http://tfl.nu/njru
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  Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?

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  (330): Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that? http://tfl.nu/r624
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  The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.

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  (330): The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk. http://tfl.nu/09ej
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  I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos

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  (330): I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos http://tfl.nu/fa4z
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  151 hangover. Need apocalypse.

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  (330): 151 hangover. Need apocalypse. http://tfl.nu/xu7i
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  You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.

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  (330): You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes. http://tfl.nu/v1u1
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  The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.

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  (330): The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though. http://tfl.nu/97ky
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  And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain

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  Marry him now.

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  (330): And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain (330): Marry him now. http://tfl.nu/1169
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