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Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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