Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (312)

Last Night in Illinois (312)

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The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.

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Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE

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(847): The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking. (312): Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE http://tfl.nu/m86e

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Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.

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(312): Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown. http://tfl.nu/cr3i

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We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

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(312): We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time. http://tfl.nu/tvg3

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It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.

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(312): It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over. http://tfl.nu/eihc

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This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her

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(312): This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her http://tfl.nu/f7pk

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I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"

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you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you

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(312): I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD" (630): you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you http://tfl.nu/ztcf

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He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.

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(312): He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning. http://tfl.nu/pfuk

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i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.

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(312): i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me. http://tfl.nu/c5n9

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Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.

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(312): Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag. http://tfl.nu/6eu4

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My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.

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(312): My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass. http://tfl.nu/uedc

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He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.

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So... He's a barber?

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No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?

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(847): He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part. (312): So... He's a barber? (847): No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it? http://tfl.nu/hrcs

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I cannot FaceTime with your penis

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(312): I cannot FaceTime with your penis http://tfl.nu/6572

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If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin

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(312): If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin http://tfl.nu/83ln

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She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere

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(312): She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere http://tfl.nu/ps2s

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I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.

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(312): I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM. http://tfl.nu/w4qm

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Last Night in Illinois (312)

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