Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Saskatchewan (306)

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  Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS

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  (306): Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS http://tfl.nu/mduw
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  All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer

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  (306): All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer http://tfl.nu/jur4
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  whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?

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  Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.

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  (306): whoa! who said he's my boyfriend? (1-306): Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina. http://tfl.nu/k1yy
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  My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.

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  (306): My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover. http://tfl.nu/l5g3
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  I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.

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  I'm romantic.

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  (306): I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones. (306): I'm romantic. http://tfl.nu/dair
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  I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today

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  (306): I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today http://tfl.nu/t6ni
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  My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?

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  (306): My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck? http://tfl.nu/wbbs
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  No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.

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  (306): No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit. http://tfl.nu/ncdk
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  Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.

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  (306): Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians. http://tfl.nu/ykxr
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  And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"

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  (306): And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing" http://tfl.nu/qhff
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  You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.

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  (306): You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota. http://tfl.nu/9skm
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  I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.

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  (306): I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it. http://tfl.nu/pxhw
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  I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.

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  (306): I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better. http://tfl.nu/dkdn
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  You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.

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  (306): You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons. http://tfl.nu/ly4h
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  I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.

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  (306): I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life. http://tfl.nu/odbf
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