Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Alabama (251)

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  i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.

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  (251): i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening. http://tfl.nu/f2tp
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  And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.

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  (251): And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day. http://tfl.nu/qr88
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  Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off

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  (251): Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off http://tfl.nu/essr
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  I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.

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  (251): I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back. http://tfl.nu/rqzq
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  Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance

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  It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.

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  (251): Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance (303): It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime. http://tfl.nu/1z36
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  but she was nice to me.

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  She was a fuckin STRIPPER.

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  (251): but she was nice to me. (256): She was a fuckin STRIPPER. http://tfl.nu/n11b
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  I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.

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  (251): I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing. http://tfl.nu/enjf
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  I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.

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  (251): I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer. http://tfl.nu/4bxr
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  How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.

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  (251): How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern. http://tfl.nu/mfwl
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  how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?

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  (251): how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her? http://tfl.nu/cyj5
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  Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.

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  (251): Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record. http://tfl.nu/akbh
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  I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.

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  (251): I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this. http://tfl.nu/9nyi
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  why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?

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  (251): why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us? http://tfl.nu/6pdz
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  He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember

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  (251): He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember http://tfl.nu/p8oz
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  The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!

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  (251): The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?! http://tfl.nu/t0yf
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