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My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
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