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Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
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