Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Connecticut (203)

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  my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.

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  (203): my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath. http://tfl.nu/lzk1
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  I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.

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  (203): I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date. http://tfl.nu/v8b1
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  Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls

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  (203): Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls http://tfl.nu/wu3r
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  Come over? It's my birthday

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  How many times has that text failed you tonight?

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  (203): Come over? It's my birthday (267): How many times has that text failed you tonight? http://tfl.nu/a6z6
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  You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius

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  (203): You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius http://tfl.nu/w3wu
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  omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?

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  (203): omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it? http://tfl.nu/nfju
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  I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.

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  (203): I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now. http://tfl.nu/m857
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  'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.

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  (203): 'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/k9vf
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  I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?

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  (203): I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon? http://tfl.nu/6yeo
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  I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.

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  (203): I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help. http://tfl.nu/59br
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  she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.

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  what did you do?

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  i asked her out. that's so hot.

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  (203): she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex. (860): what did you do? (203): i asked her out. that's so hot. http://tfl.nu/dg3d
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  I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.

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  (203): I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do. http://tfl.nu/muw0
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  sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube

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  (203): sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube http://tfl.nu/1qv7
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  you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small

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  (203): you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small http://tfl.nu/4mz5
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  have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj

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  omg every time its on

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  (203): have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj (1-203): omg every time its on http://tfl.nu/6fsg
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