Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (847)

Last Night in Illinois (847)

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(847): View more from Illinois

My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.

(1-847): View more from Illinois

How unfortunate for your Mom.

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(847): My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein. (1-847): How unfortunate for your Mom. http://tfl.nu/e7p2

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(847): View more from Illinois

i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy

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(847): i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy http://tfl.nu/8awt

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(904): View more from Florida

What are you doing tonight?

(847): View more from Illinois

Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.

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(904): What are you doing tonight? (847): Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life. http://tfl.nu/ilpj

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(847): View more from Illinois

i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago

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(847): i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago http://tfl.nu/60w4

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(847): View more from Illinois

just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom

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(847): just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom http://tfl.nu/dq56

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(847): View more from Illinois

I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna

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(847): I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna http://tfl.nu/isgx

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(847): View more from Illinois

So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.

(541): View more from Oregon

Together?

(847): View more from Illinois

Preferably.

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(847): So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch. (541): Together? (847): Preferably. http://tfl.nu/lik5

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(847): View more from Illinois

Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight

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(847): Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight http://tfl.nu/3mek

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(312): View more from Illinois

dude, your ex-bf is on match.com

(847): View more from Illinois

details on that.

(312): View more from Illinois

well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.

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(312): dude, your ex-bf is on match.com (847): details on that. (312): well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes. http://tfl.nu/50kk

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(847): View more from Illinois

my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year

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(847): my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year http://tfl.nu/4eng

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(319): View more from Iowa

True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes

(847): View more from Illinois

And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.

(319): View more from Iowa

At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.

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(319): True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes (847): And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me. (319): At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements. http://tfl.nu/k3x0

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(847): View more from Illinois

just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.

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(847): just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers. http://tfl.nu/run3

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(847): View more from Illinois

I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me

(224): View more from Illinois

RUN RUN RUN RUN

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(847): I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me (224): RUN RUN RUN RUN http://tfl.nu/a7sq

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Anal astronaut?

(847): View more from Illinois

Wow word travels fast.

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(732): Anal astronaut? (847): Wow word travels fast. http://tfl.nu/to7g

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(847): View more from Illinois

Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference

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(847): Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference http://tfl.nu/ny65

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Last Night in Illinois (847)

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