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dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Non-Jews are for practice
I cannot find my penis.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
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