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I think I won the penis lottery.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
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