Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Oregon (503)

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  Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.

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  (503): Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck. http://tfl.nu/nubl
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  It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.

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  (503): It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn. http://tfl.nu/grez
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  I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.

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  (503): I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any. http://tfl.nu/5jsz
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  He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.

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  (503): He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive. http://tfl.nu/kzk0
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  I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours

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  (503): I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours http://tfl.nu/g0b7
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  Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.

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  (503): Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be. http://tfl.nu/kby8
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  I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.

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  (503): I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation. http://tfl.nu/ib5h
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  i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.

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  (503): i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there. http://tfl.nu/qu8f
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  Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk

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  (503): Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk http://tfl.nu/l7fc
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  The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator

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  (503): The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator http://tfl.nu/5qfu
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  I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.

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  (503): I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life. http://tfl.nu/c2dk
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  ...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...

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  (503): ...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home... http://tfl.nu/g51m
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  It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night

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  (503): It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night http://tfl.nu/ctpp
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  THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT

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  (503): THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT http://tfl.nu/3zvj
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  And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.

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  (503): And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/m69e
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