Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (847)

Last Night in Illinois (847)

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(815): View more from Illinois

You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!

(847): View more from Illinois

Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!

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(815): You left a skid on my bar stool!!!! (847): Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool! http://tfl.nu/5bzd

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(847): View more from Illinois

Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?

(708): View more from Illinois

We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.

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(847): Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday? (708): We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us. http://tfl.nu/9z48

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(847): View more from Illinois

The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious

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(847): The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious http://tfl.nu/2wct

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(847): View more from Illinois

Just so you know, I have a bf.

(405): View more from Oklahoma

I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.

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(847): Just so you know, I have a bf. (405): I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful. http://tfl.nu/esk6

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(815): View more from Illinois

We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...

(847): View more from Illinois

And they lived happily ever after....

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(815): We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal... (847): And they lived happily ever after.... http://tfl.nu/htue

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(847): View more from Illinois

True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss

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(847): True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss http://tfl.nu/8437

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So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?

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(847): So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name? http://tfl.nu/3ka4

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(630): View more from Illinois

i have a girlfriend

(847): View more from Illinois

if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?

(630): View more from Illinois

no

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(630): i have a girlfriend (847): if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend? (630): no http://tfl.nu/0yu4

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(847): View more from Illinois

okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.

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(847): okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy. http://tfl.nu/r1l8

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(847): View more from Illinois

just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'

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(847): just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame' http://tfl.nu/un7j

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I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today

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(847): I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today http://tfl.nu/iq2n

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Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth

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(847): Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth http://tfl.nu/6ed0

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Do vagina's smell?

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(847): Do vagina's smell? http://tfl.nu/tts8

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(847): View more from Illinois

i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.

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(847): i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1. http://tfl.nu/5eb0

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(847): View more from Illinois

my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.

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(847): my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b. http://tfl.nu/5vrv

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Last Night in Illinois (847)

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