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ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
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