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Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
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