Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Oregon (503)

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  Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.

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  (503): Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals. http://tfl.nu/1rao
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  Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!

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  (503): Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered! http://tfl.nu/55g9
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  i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here

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  (503): i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here http://tfl.nu/1c81
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  Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.

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  (503): Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously. http://tfl.nu/epia
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  I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.

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  (503): I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken. http://tfl.nu/j72e
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  Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?

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  (503): Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem? http://tfl.nu/dk03
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  Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.

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  (503): Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab. http://tfl.nu/if5q
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  this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"

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  dude.

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  yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.

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  (503): this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor" (541): dude. (503): yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating. http://tfl.nu/t5uc
  Replies (21) Good night (700) Bad night (3734)
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  I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.

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  (503): I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/2hrq
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  Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder

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  (503): Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder http://tfl.nu/i6jl
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  I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"

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  (503): I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina" http://tfl.nu/3nun
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  if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.

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  oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in

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  (503): if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store. (1-503): oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in http://tfl.nu/nfm9
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  Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...

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  (503): Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out... http://tfl.nu/v7xz
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  Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.

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  (503): Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun. http://tfl.nu/5we2
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  There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order

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  (503): There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order http://tfl.nu/v9bj
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