Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (310)

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  my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook

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  (310): my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook http://tfl.nu/wl7n
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  Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.

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  (310): Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused. http://tfl.nu/xlj4
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  I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.

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  (310): I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/laj1
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  True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?

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  (310): True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant? http://tfl.nu/aiag
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  Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart

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  (310): Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart http://tfl.nu/wp92
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  thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.

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  (310): thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones. http://tfl.nu/qrwe
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  Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.

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  (310): Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary. http://tfl.nu/o8eq
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  I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.

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  (310): I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't. http://tfl.nu/uo1x
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  How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.

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  (310): How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks. http://tfl.nu/m7ju
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  it was a shit show

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  We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.

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  (310): it was a shit show (917): We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet. http://tfl.nu/uvin
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  she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex

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  wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh

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  (310): she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex (1-310): wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh http://tfl.nu/mhlr
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  Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.

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  (310): Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds. http://tfl.nu/m30n
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  The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?

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  (310): The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know? http://tfl.nu/ihts
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  how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.

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  (310): how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year. http://tfl.nu/ig11
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  I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.

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  (310): I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life. http://tfl.nu/0deg
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