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Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
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