Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (916)

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  (916): View more from California

  I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.

  (831): View more from California

  Promise??

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  (916): I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird. (831): Promise?? http://tfl.nu/1nt5
  Replies (3) Good night (560) Bad night (414)
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  (831): View more from California

  I won't be able to get a boner for a month

  (916): View more from California

  Challenge accepted.

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  (831): I won't be able to get a boner for a month (916): Challenge accepted. http://tfl.nu/ivke
  Replies (3) Good night (1110) Bad night (223)
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  My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"

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  (916): My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower" http://tfl.nu/qx3d
  Replies (7) Good night (817) Bad night (197) Order T-Shirt
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  you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"

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  (916): you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances" http://tfl.nu/1xse
  Replies (2) Good night (953) Bad night (162)
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  What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum

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  (916): What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum http://tfl.nu/f5r0
  Replies (7) Good night (603) Bad night (196) Order T-Shirt
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  Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.

  (1-916): View more from California

  Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.

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  (916): Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER. (1-916): Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt. http://tfl.nu/8glr
  Replies (4) Good night (1529) Bad night (335)
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  (916): View more from California

  I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake

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  (916): I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake http://tfl.nu/x3na
  Replies (3) Good night (1062) Bad night (201) Order T-Shirt
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  I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.

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  (916): I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today. http://tfl.nu/ycdx
  Replies (4) Good night (438) Bad night (1011) Order T-Shirt
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  I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka

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  (916): I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka http://tfl.nu/57f9
  Replies (1) Good night (819) Bad night (265) Order T-Shirt
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  WHY did you say no to the sex seance?

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  (916): WHY did you say no to the sex seance? http://tfl.nu/czv9
  Replies (4) Good night (562) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
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  Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.

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  (916): Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice. http://tfl.nu/f46v
  Replies (6) Good night (1357) Bad night (353) Order T-Shirt
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  I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty

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  (916): I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty http://tfl.nu/gn90
  Replies (11) Good night (275) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
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  I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.

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  (916): I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background. http://tfl.nu/r9ng
  Replies (4) Good night (1162) Bad night (287) Order T-Shirt
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  Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?

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  (916): Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night? http://tfl.nu/oh7z
  Replies (5) Good night (1651) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
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  Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?

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  (916): Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college? http://tfl.nu/z4fh
  Replies (2) Good night (727) Bad night (265) Order T-Shirt