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how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
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