Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Kansas (785)

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  (785): View more from Kansas

  We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.

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  (785): We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen. http://tfl.nu/aun6
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  Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.

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  (785): Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life. http://tfl.nu/uwxb
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  As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.

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  (785): As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester. http://tfl.nu/qann
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  You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever

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  (785): You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever http://tfl.nu/34h5
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  Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.

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  (785): Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles. http://tfl.nu/6y3a
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  Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."

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  (785): Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk." http://tfl.nu/6oxw
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  They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea

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  (785): They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea http://tfl.nu/7vrt
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  Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?

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  (785): Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right? http://tfl.nu/9mi0
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  Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.

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  (785): Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals. http://tfl.nu/wiw7
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.

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  I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.

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  (785): Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock. (785): I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice. http://tfl.nu/kw5d
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  well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.

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  (785): well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo. http://tfl.nu/3cg7
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  The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.

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  i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man

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  (785): The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop. (1-785): i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man http://tfl.nu/s8dm
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  Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan

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  (785): Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan http://tfl.nu/6u1u
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  Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.

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  (785): Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective. http://tfl.nu/28pg
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  When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.

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  (785): When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die. http://tfl.nu/c7go
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